No patience. No good.

FAT OF THE LAND

Issue # 14

By Jason Mankin

You ever sit in a drive-thru line for 20 minutes only to get handed the wrong order? You wanted black coffee. You got a lukewarm vanilla foam caramel sugar bomb. And what did you do?

If you’re like me on a bad day, you muttered a few words not fit for church and drove off fucking pissed.

If you’re like me on a good (but very rare) day, you took a deep breath, sipped it anyway, and kept going.

Both versions of me exist. The difference? One of them is practicing patience. The other is failing miserably at it.

We’ve been sold this story that patience is something some folks just have. Like dimples or a green thumb. Bullshit.

Patience isn’t a virtue—it’s a strategy. An emotional power move. A real-time act of self-regulation that separates the grownups from the grown-ass children inside all of us.

Self Control, mah fuckas.

Here’s the thing: being patient doesn’t mean you’re not frustrated. It means you have trained your body and your brain in the art of self-control.

Science backs it up. Patience isn’t some halo you wear. It’s how you handle the cortisol surge when your kid asks you again why the sky is blue while you’re trying to file taxes.

Psychologists call patience a form of emotion regulation—a way of managing the mental calamity of delay, discomfort, or uncertainty without letting it run the whole damn show.

Who’s Naturally More Patient? (And Can the Rest of Us Catch Up?)

Some folks do come out of the womb more naturally calm. Blame (or thank) their Big Five personality traits—high conscientiousness, low neuroticism, and maybe a touch of golden retriever energy.

But the real kicker? Situations matter more than you think. You’re more patient when:

• You feel in control.

• You’re well-fed and well-rested.

• You’ve got purpose behind the pause.

It’s not about being at peace and in control, 24/7. It’s about building a system so you don’t flip your shit every time Wi-Fi lags during a Zoom call.

What Patience Actually Gets You

Patience doesn’t just make you easier to be around—it makes your life better.

• Lower stress. People who practice patience have lower cortisol levels when life gets hot. (Schnitker & Emmons, 2007)

• Better goal setting. If you can delay gratification, you’re more likely to hit long-term goals. (Shoutout to the marshmallow kids—Mischel et al., 1989.)

• Higher well-being. More satisfaction. Less depression. More hope. And no, that’s not just optimism talking. (Schnitker, 2012)

So yeah—turns out being patient is like compounding interest for your nervous system.

How the Hell Do We Get Better at It?

I wonmt pretend I know what to say here-I am going through the trials myself.

But I do know this:

My journey will be easy to follow along with.

Maybe we can all learn together.

Data

Here’s what the research (and experience) actually says works:

Learn to sit with your discomfort without screaming. Even 10 minutes a day can retrain your nervous system.

Instead of “This is wasting my time,” try “This is training me for bigger things.”

I am.

And I think its working.

Patience doesn’t exist without vision. So see the future you’re building, and hold that picture like a lifeline when the now sucks.

Let the text sit. Let the cookie wait. Micro-resistance makes macro-resilience.

Practiced Patience is Grit in Sweatpants

You don’t have to be a monk. You just have to stop expecting answers to fall out of the sky like you are Chicken Little.

You want peace?

You have to work for it.

Patience is resistance training for your emotional system. It’s not glamorous. It’s not always obvious. But it’s always worth it.

So the next time you find yourself at the end of your rope—remember: the pause is the point.

As always,

Chew. The. Fat.

Jason

Like what you’re reading?

Hit subscribe, share Fat of the Land with a friend, or just reply and tell me what you’re waiting on—right now—and how you’re holding it.

I’ll read every word.

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Sources:

• Baumeister, R. F., Vohs, K. D., & Tice, D. M. (1998). The strength model of self-control. Psychological Inquiry, 7(1), 26–33.

• Droit-Volet, S., & Meck, W. H. (2007). How emotions color our perception of time. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 11(12), 504–513.

• Evans, G. W., & Wener, R. E. (2006). Rail commuting duration and passenger stress. Health Psychology, 25(3), 408–412.

• Keng, S.-L., Smoski, M. J., & Robins, C. J. (2011). Effects of mindfulness on psychological health: A review of empirical studies. Clinical Psychology Review, 31(6), 1041–1056.

• McCrae, R. R., & Costa, P. T. (1999). A five-factor theory of personality. In Handbook of Personality: Theory and Research (2nd ed., pp. 139–153).

• Mischel, W., Shoda, Y., & Rodriguez, M. I. (1989). Delay of gratification in children. Science, 244(4907), 933–938.

• Ochsner, K. N., & Gross, J. J. (2005). The cognitive control of emotion. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 9(5), 242–249.

• Schnitker, S. A. (2012). An examination of patience and well-being. The Journal of Positive Psychology, 7(4), 263–280.

• Schnitker, S. A., & Emmons, R. A. (2007). Patience as a virtue: Religious and psychological perspectives. Research in the Social Scientific Study of Religion, 18, 177–198.